Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
