dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
