problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
