My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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