When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
