so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
