I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
