if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
