last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
