you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
