Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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