there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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