After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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