thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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