God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
