Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you