I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
