She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
