You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My life is pants optional.
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