Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
