When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
