dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
