see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You need Xanax blowdarts
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
