I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
if only i could text you this smell
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
