I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
