I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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