I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
