i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
