There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
