The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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