He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
