I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
