I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
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