So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
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Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
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i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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