I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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