she was so not down for the gang bang
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
