I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
