Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
