u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
