is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
