Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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