Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's shark week go big or go home
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
