it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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