I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
