I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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