dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Randomize
