God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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