oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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