Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
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