didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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