Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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