one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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