You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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