i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
