I feel great
I just peed on a car
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I want her autograph on my taint
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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