Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
