your room smells of hookers.
And success
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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