it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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