literally had 100 drinks last night.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
