sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
