I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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