barbara walters just said penis...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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