You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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