It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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