the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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