It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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