My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
