we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There's always time for handjobs
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
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Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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