I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
