dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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