At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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