A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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