I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
