I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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