My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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